I joked once that if I ever wrote a book this would be the title! Of course 10% of that title is tongue-n-cheek, and the other 90% is truly my life. Let me explain, I am a wife and mother to 4 young kids: 11, 9, 7, & 4. I work as a mental health therapist in a high school and middle school, and offer private practice sessions when school is out during the summer break. I get to write for online women’s organizations, and travel to speak to youth, their parents, and women’s ministries. I have worked hard and I continue to strive for balance and intentionality with my family and career. But here’s the reality: balance is impossible, intentionality is momentary, and good intentions don’t play puzzles with my kids when I get home from work. I fail and I fail hard! Here’s where my mantra of Medication, Caffeine and Jesus come into play!
Let me start with the most controversial topic first, the use of psychotropic medication. As a disclaimer I am speaking purely for myself and I am not advocating for anyone to start or stop taking medication unless recommended by a doctor. That being said, I think there is a huge stigma for us as disciples of Christ that using medicine is a sign that our faith is not as strong as someone who doesn’t take medicine. Not only is this a fallible statement, but is dangerous. Science has finally caught up to what God has been telling us since the Fall: We are all broken and in need of a Savior in every facet.
There are now scans of our brains that show that individuals who have depression and anxiety truly have a different brain and chemical imbalances. For me I developed postpartum depression and anxiety after my first child. And though I had gone seasons with and without medication for the next 10 years, I came to accept that at least for now, I am much more in control of my emotions and thoughts when I have the help of a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) or anti-depressant. I have absolutely no shame in admitting my need for a medicine that eliminates my panic attacks and reduces depressive thoughts; however I do hope for a time when I can do life without the help of a medication. If that time never comes, then I will continue to accept this as a reality for me.
The use of medication doesn’t take away the stress that we all have in our lives. We all have stress, and we all have coping mechanisms. What ways are you coping with stress? Is it with food, social media, books/tv, relationships, activities? Our brains are designed to be stimulated, and when we find something that does, we get the reward card and stamp it often!
For me, it’s caffeine. My choice of caffeine is in conjunction with sugar, Coca-Cola! I’m telling you right now, my idea of heaven involves one of those fancy fountain machines that not only have Coke, but you can specify which coke you want: vanilla, cherry, to even orange (which is just weird, but lets just focus on the plank in my eye!). Caffeine has a way of helping us focus, to keep us energized, and motivated. Sugar hits the pleasure area in our brains, making us feel happy.
The down side, is both chemical reactions is temporary and can leave us more tired than before our initial use. Although, if we use caffeine and sugar in moderation, along with a diet filled with proteins, vitamins and minerals, a healthy balance can be found. Having a Coke for me is a reward. It’s like my time-out from life. We all need something that allows us a time-out, a reward, and something that helps us, even if momentarily, focus on something other than our stress.
And finally, and most importantly, I have to have Jesus! Just give me Jesus as the song says. So much truth in that statement! Since the Fall of man, we have been seeking wholeness, joy and purpose in our lives. We have a deep hunger to find those things, which often leads to finding them in counterfeit places this world has to offer. And though we know cognitively that the only place to find peace, to find completion, is in JESUS, we are constantly settling for whatever comes easiest. And sisters, following Jesus will never be the easiest option.
When we do seek Him, when we ask for His strength and His wisdom, though not always easy, it will always be satisfying. I’ll be the first to admit, that though I attempt, I do not do daily devotionals, nor have a good prayer life. There are days that I forget all my blessings come from Him, or that He is not a genie in the bottle who grants wishes.
Here’s what I do know, I cannot do life without Him. I know when I do spend those moments reading verses, singing worship songs, and studying works by the likes of Nouwen and Lewis, that I do feel infinitely lighter, more in control of my emotions and thoughts, and filled with more compassion for those around me.
Do I envision God looking down on me when I don’t spend time with Him in disappointment? No, I envision Him like a parent who knows if only I took the antibiotic I would finally start feeling better!
If only I would be more intentional with my time, spending it refreshing and empowering my spirit, life would become more manageable. I could make decisions in confidence, and I could invest in all my relationships without feeling completely drained.
I don’t want this to imply that if only I would be more consistent in my time with God I would be able to abstain from medication and caffeine. Instead, I believe that when we draw close to Him in relationship, life becomes more focused and sharper like after getting a new prescription of glasses. Though our journey will still involve pain, a life lived with Christ becomes more clarified and purpose becomes more defined.
So for me its medication, caffeine, and Jesus, what’s it take for you to truly get through the day?!
Diaries of Grace 