As I rolled out of bed this morning, already late (curse that dang snooze button), I began my day already in a sad and depressive mood. I worried that it would be another day that I had to battle my depression and anxiety yet again. Even though I was once excited to go to chapel this morning, I struggled to find pleasure in one of the places that I feel close to God. Despite this, I knew the one way to conquer my feelings was to continue to worship through the pain, which I did.
As I continued in my typical Tuesday, God sent little blessings here and there, such as my friends, to cheer me up for a moment, then to go back into my spiraling, thought tornado that plagued my mind. I kept thinking about how tired I was of fighting these wars everyday in my head and continually losing or coming out weaker. I asked God throughout the day, “Why am I feeling this pain? Why can’t I be my normal self? Why do I hurt all of the time? Is there a purpose to my pain?” I felt no response from him for most of the day until I was driving to my dreaded therapy session for the week.
God spoke to me. He reminded me of a chapel I had attended just two weeks ago called “The Breakthrough.” The speaker was a very goofy, God fearing man named Terry Blackford, one of Anderson University’s very own. He brought up the life of a monarch butterfly. He said that this butterfly was the only butterfly that would migrate over 30,000 miles to get to its destination. Can you imagine? Being that small and yet strong enough to travel that far? In order for that butterfly to get THAT strong it had a long journey to get there. You see, the monarch butterfly had to struggle, endure pain, hardships, and face the worst times of its life in order to finally breakthrough its cocoon and be strong enough to fly those long miles. He said we all have our own cocoons in life, and we have three options.
1. We fight and give up, stuck in our cocoon. This leads to death and even more hardship than we have ever faced before.
2. We could cry out for help. Someone could cut us out and “save” us too early before we are truly ready. This causes us to be extraordinarily weak an unable to withstand the hardships of life leading ultimately to death.
3. Finally we can fight, and I mean fight hard, relying on God to be with us in our suffering, eventually leading to our own breakthrough. It is in this that God uses us and prepares us for. To save lives, nations, and even the world.
In the passage Hebrews 11:22 it talks about Joseph’s story and his faith. You see, Joseph’s brothers plotted to kill him, sold him into slavery, and was thrown into a horrendous prison for many years. But it was in this time that God was with Joseph, suffering with him and helping to mold who he came to be. God opened doors for Jospeh to be the Pharaoh’s second hand man, but this wasn’t his breakthrough yet. It was when God used Joseph’s gifts to save not only the people he helped rule over but the many other nations including his very own family’s nation. This was the breakthrough.
After all this pain and suffering that we face on a day to day basis is all apart of Gods plan for our lives and our very own breakthrough; God will use us for far more greater things than we can comprehend, but we must first fight and get stronger relying on God through it all. This isn’t about some cliche saying, “ What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” NO! This is far more deeper and complex than that. It’s not just the breakthrough we are looking at. It’s the journey that got us there in the first place!
And as I was sitting in my car, ready to let the tears of sadness overflow, I was reminded that my pain isn’t for nothing. It has purpose. It is molding me. It is drawing me near to God. And ultimately it is leading me to my own breakthrough. I hope and pray that you remember that God is Good, and he is leading YOU to your very own breakthrough.
Always remember that His power is made perfect in my weakness.
in His love,
Emily ❤
Diaries of Grace 